On Moving: What Comes Up for You?

We help a lot of people sell their homes. And there are so many reasons why people decide to move. We haven't seen it all, but we've helped enough people to know that moving is almost always an emotional experience.

I wrote last week about helping kids when it comes time to move, and that got me thinking: who is helping the adults? If you manage life’s twists and turns with ease, this might not be for you. But if you are a little sensitive — read on.

I was surprised (and at times annoyed!) at what came up for me during our recent move. I felt both excitement and overwhelm at the prospect of setting up shop in a new place. I was nervous that we might not like our new place as much, and yet I was excited to live in town closer to work, school, and everything else. And deep down, I worried if we were foolish to trade the peace and quiet of country life for the hustle and bustle of living in the heart of our small town.

Saying goodbye to your home can feel like saying goodbye to life as you know it. Even if you are excited to move and happy for the relocation, there is still a weight to the change. And if you've loved living in your home, it can be downright bittersweet to sell it and see it go to someone else.

When it's time to pack, reality sets in. Unless you are hiring a moving crew to pack your things, you are going to have to physically touch every single item you own-- twice, if you count unpacking! I don't know the science (or pseudoscience?) behind this phenomenon, but to me it feels like objects hold memories. It’s difficult to resist a walk down memory lane every time I handle my high school yearbooks or my daughters' baby booties. Sometimes objects harken back to less than pleasant times, in which case, confrontation with old troubles is its own type of hardship. You might spend the morning packing and feel like you've lived twenty lifetimes before lunch.

Even if you are not in the "objects hold memories" camp, the logistical challenge of packing everything up can be grueling. It's going to be stressful, it is going to be a lot of physical labor. (You have approximately 10x more things than you think!) Don't be surprised or alarmed if your sleep suffers and your mood shifts for the worse.

Packing can also offer an opportunity to organize and pare down if you have the luxury of time. While still difficult, packing can be a cleansing experience if you choose to purge the things that you haven't used or needed in a while. Moving to a home of equal or greater space? You can still use the move as an opportunity to reduce. I don't know if decluttering is the antidote to overwhelm, but I do feel better after I've donated clothing we don't wear or superfluous household goods.

People are often excited to live in a new place. A move can be a fresh start and an adventure — the first, fresh page in a brand new notebook. You may also feel you're losing your time-tested routine, the comfort of familiarity and a sense of community. Grief and anxiety and feelings of isolation are normal, as is the feeling that you've lost a bit of your identity. For better or worse, “home” is a place that gives us a sense of security; it’s no wonder uprooting can make us feel adrift. Starting over in a new place (and/or taking on a new mortgage) can be scary! Maybe you're the type that runs directly into the storm of the unknown, but I think most people feel some trepidation about life's "delicious ambiguity."

I don’t know if there is any way to avoid the emotional experience of moving, but maybe you don’t have to. Saying goodbye to your old house, even if it’s just something you say in your mind or mutter quietly to yourself, might be the ticket to moving forward wholeheartedly. I think it also helps to remember you are giving the new owner an opportunity to enjoy your home.

Moving can be fun, stressful, dreadful, liberating. To leave your home for something new is to feel so many emotions, many of them conflicting. The richest memories and the most important milestones are often double-edged: joyous and sorrowful, exciting and dull, momentous and ordinary. The key is making room for all of the emotions, even the ones that hit you by surprise.